I never expected the devil to be a woman. Heck, I never expected there was an actual devil. I wasn’t religious in life, and I sure as hell wasn’t going to start now that I’m dead. Gazing upon the devil herself, I was aroused. She was smoking hot! I’m talking well-toned body, shoulder length wavy black hair, deep blue eyes, and skin tight red leather pants and a bra, that only emphasized that nice hourglass figure. It also reminded me of those skimpy woman devil costumes you can see advertised in party stores and such but who was I to judge? Yes, she had the wings protruding from her back, the small horns on her forehead, slightly hidden by her bangs, and of course a tail. Still, it’s not every day you die and then get to have a one on one with the devil herself.
“You must have a lot of questions,” she said, ignoring my completely lascivious gaze on her body.
“Ain’t I dead?” I asked stupidly.
The devil woman sighed. I looked around and saw we were the only two standing there. Where in the hell were all the other tormented souls? More importantly, why the hell was I here to begin with?
“They are in the seven layers of hell,” she replied.
She walked over to and sat upon a golden throne. I wanted to laugh at all the stereotypes coming to play before my eyes, the rocky path above fire we were both on, the things appearing out of thin air, but I held myself in check. Obviously, she needed something from me or I wouldn’t be here. I couldn’t imagine what she would want from a dead person, however, so I waited for her to answer the unasked questions. Instead, she laughed. Seriously?
“I’ve been keeping tabs on you,” she said. “I like what I saw and now I want to give you a chance to work for me.”
I raised my eyebrow. She liked what she saw? I was a deadbeat, going nowhere in life, and when the sickness hit, it consumed me. My lover left me before the sickness took hold but in hindsight, I don’t blame her. I can get selfish sometimes but that was neither here nor there. Wait, was I here because I was gay?
“You’re not in hell because you’re gay,” the devil lady answered my thoughts. “You have a potential in you, that sadly had to be tapped into after your death.”
“What exactly can a lost soul such as myself do for you?” I asked incredulous.
“I need an underling. Someone to do my dirty work if you will,” she replied.
“So, you want me to kill people? Is that it?”
“Not kill, no. You see, hell is overcrowded with sinners and I want to take my torture to the next level,” she said
“I want seriously guilty people to live for all eternity for what they have done. Do you think you can handle that?”
“So, no playing grim reaper.”
“You’re hilarious. You will have a sword, but instead of dealing death, it is a sword that deals eternal life.”
“Is the pay good?” I asked without thinking. Hey, I needed to have some perks with this new job. “Wait, can you still get paid if you’re dead?”
“You will have your own place,” the devil laughed. “You’ll be resistant to fire, have eternal life, and the benefits that go with that if this is what you mean by payment for your services.”
I thought for a moment. The cost of living was extremely high, so if the pay wasn’t wonderful I wasn’t getting anywhere. Even in death, I can still be such a failure, huh?
“You haven’t watched much of the human world, have you?” I asked.
“Do you want the job or not?” The devil asked me. “If not, I can send you to one of the seven layers of hell and you can be tormented for all eternity.”
“The job sounds wonderful!”
“I thought so,” she said and stood up.
Walking over to me, she handed me a manila folder. I took it, looked at it, and looked up at her. I didn’t understand it.
“The devil herself isn’t able to use electronics? You’re still retro?”
“You will burn this folder after reading it and complete your mission,” she said, not answering my question.
A ball of orange energy appeared above her hand and slowly she withdrew her hand. The orange ball slowly transformed into a katana inside a sheath. Of course, it had to be a frigging katana. Why not a bastard sword, a long sword, or an arming sword? I wasn’t Japanese or any semblance of Asian.
“This is the life sword,” the devil said. “Grab it and hold onto it. The details of your first assignment are in that folder. Good luck.”
“Wait, what the hell? I don’t even know how to use one of these things.”
I couldn’t say anything more. I grabbed the katana and a whirlwind overcame me. It was time to work.
(To Be Continued Next Week)